Child psychologist’s 2-step formula for parents to raise confident kids: It gives them ‘the opportunity to thrive’

June 27, 2026 - 03:16

Anxiety is often seen as the enemy of confidence, but one clinical child psychologist argues it can actually be a key ingredient. Dr. Kathryn Hecht says parents should stop trying to shield children from anxious feelings and instead teach them how to work through those moments. Her approach boils down to a two-step formula: first, validate the child's emotion without trying to fix it, and second, encourage them to take a small, manageable risk anyway.

Dr. Hecht explains that when a child feels nervous about trying something new, many parents instinctively step in to remove the discomfort. But that response can accidentally teach the child that anxiety is a signal to retreat. Instead, she recommends saying something like "I see you are scared. That is okay. Let's try just the first step together." This gives the child permission to feel the fear while still moving forward.

The payoff, according to Hecht, is a lasting sense of competence. When children learn that they can handle discomfort and still succeed, they build real confidence rather than just temporary reassurance. "It gives them the opportunity to thrive," she said, because they stop seeing anxiety as a stop sign and start seeing it as a challenge they can manage. The goal is not to eliminate fear, but to teach kids that they are bigger than it.