Psychologist Shares Dating Advice He Wishes Every Single Person Heard

September 8, 2026 - 04:00

A Los Angeles-based psychologist who works primarily with single adults says most people sabotage their love lives long before a first date ever takes place. Dr. Marcus Hale, who has spent over a decade counseling patients on relationships, argues that the real problem is not bad luck or a lack of options. It is the way people approach the entire process of looking for a partner.

According to Hale, the most common error is treating dating like a job interview or a checklist. Singles often focus on surface traits such as height, income, or a shared love for hiking, and they do this before they have even had a conversation. He explains that this habit creates a mental filter that eliminates potentially great matches based on criteria that do not actually predict long-term happiness.

Hale also points to the issue of "preemptive rejection." Many people decide they are not good enough for someone else, or that the other person will not be interested, before sending a single message. This fear leads to passive behavior, like waiting for the other person to make the first move, or to overly cautious profiles that reveal nothing personal.

His advice is simple but not easy. He suggests that singles should stop trying to predict compatibility from a profile and instead focus on curiosity. Ask one genuine question about something the person wrote. Do not worry about whether they are "the one" after two messages. The goal is not to impress everyone, but to find out if a real conversation feels easy. Hale says that most people are looking for someone who makes them feel comfortable, not someone who checks every box. The first step, he says, is to stop interviewing and start listening.